baby

Baby I been crying walking in the rain

Don’t u know im hiding run away again

cant take no more pain gotta stop this insane

don’t u know I love u and your making me this way 

rain is falling down on me tonight

cant u see its such a fuuny sight

u said ud be forever true to me

but I saw her with u & oh what a thing to do

bonk

ok today i was musing & talking to God about the I have plans for u that u may prosper..... yeah i got to musing what is Gods idea of prospering< I felt that i was not on track there is not alot of luxuries in our life and theres always too much month at the end of our money. so i asked God what his idea  of prosperity then i hung my head remembering there are alot of people that dont have clean water to drink, food to eat, a house  (apt) to  live in, you get the idea. When i got home today my neighbor offered me two huge hanging petunia pots some lily plants two blueberry plants ans a strawberry plant. Can we say bonk?

down day

ok not sleeping again hubby & me not getting along and pain level is way up. this month is hard because i had 2 babies taken home  (granted it was 28 & 37 yrs ago but still feels like yesterday to me) i am glad i have 1 friend that understands . why do people advertse apts say cats allowed but when u call them they say limit is 2> i Hves 3 cats (one is 18 yrs one is 11 and 1 is 9 ) what am i suppose to do? i cant give them up and i dont want to lie but i need another place to live? we are living in a 100+ yr old place with 17 steps up to our apt. It is getting too hard for me & disabled hubby to do the steps (i have major artheritis) In the winter this place is cold (think 62/64 degrees) way too cold for me there is no insulation and the cold just whips  thru this place but i am losing hope of being able to move this summer both for the financial reasons and for the cat situation. I try to have faith that GOd hs the perfect place but geeze cant He just put a huge blinking neon  sign saying Here Denny? Trying to be patient and let Hios timing work it out but i am not doing too well on it.         

long day

having a long day- trying to find a new apt every place i called it said cats accepted but when i called them they only allow 2 cats not 3 whats up with that? the city says u can have 3 cats. I am not willing to give up any of my 3 cats, one is 18 one is 8 and one is 11 yrs old, they are my fur babies. Got a coral catus for moms day freom hubby it should be interesting to watch it grow. 

why do good parents get a knife in the back from their kids

i have so had it with my daughter. For all her life i was there for her, bending over bckward to give to her and help her. Now 35 yrs into it she turns on me & stabs me in the back. she allows her kids to be disrespectful to me and when i tell her we are planning to move she comes out with well we cant help we will be busy. I did not even give a specific date! i  just said sometime before aug. So now i sit trying to figure a way to get all our household goods moved. It is not the first time she has disappointed me. For hubbys birthday she told him (my hubby her stepdad) that she was going to give him a $25 gas card $25 mcdonalds card & a 20 subway card and that for my birthday she was ging to give me $40 to eat out and $20 to go see a movie then when she heard we were helping our son move (Driving him -and he did help a bit with the gas/food) he offered we could stay at his friends house and we could make it a vacation (first one in our 29 1/2 yrs of marriage). SHe said she would watch the animals (3 cats and a bird) (comming up & feeding them ) she insisted taht gas would be no problem but 3 days into our trip she called & had a hissy fit about how long we were going to be gone and dont you understand gas is going to be an issue. She changed her tune on the cards?money saying she would keep it in case we needed it in an emergency situation and that we would need it when we got back HA! As usual she spent it all. luckily we didnt need it to come back and have managed for the resst of the month even though it was tight. She sure didnt hesitate to not be too busy to call me Easter Sunday at 6 am to tell me my granddaughter was sick so could we make up a get well basket of gatoraid ane chicken soup for the kid (but she wouldnt have us stay so we didnt get sick (cough cough yeah sure)..She knows i dont sleep well & usually am awake till at least 3 am and sometimes 530/6 am. Does she even bother to look at the clock heck no then she calls 2 hrs later to say i'm sorry i called so early. She is so ungrateful, what did i ever do to deserve such an ingrate?           

this n that

ok it 435am and i cant sleep, i am tired but just cant shut down. too many things going thru my mind. I enjoyed the trip emmensly most of my memories matched where we went. It was almost like turning the clock back 40 years, i kept expecting to see my brother & sister  or hear my mom or uncles comments to us kids. We did find a few new places to visit and my sons friend was very very gracious.I was surprised that my asthma kicked up so bad in colorado and new mexico though we had never been there in april.I was also surprised that we ran into no road construction other than a bit in alburquerque. The people were so friendly out there. i didnt want to come back.

Tonight i am in pain and find myself battling and "winning the cancer battle was really worth it. (i know that arthritis isnt caused by it but the other battles i have were. I am fighting cistitis ( inflamation of the bladder walls) again - it seems like i do every few months. It feels like a bladder infection like i have to "go" every little while and there is the lovely fact that radiation shrunk EVERYTHING from the waist down. I cant stand for long periods of time without getting a severe back ache. My bladder is so small that i have to "go" about every 2 hrs (more if i drink alot). I ccan still hear the doctor when i talked to him about it - his attitude was i should just be grateful i am alive and drink a lot less liquids. Yah easy to say when ya cant get to the bathroom quick enough (or some one was in it and ya end up having an accident). We spent two nights at my sister in laws house and i was extremely embarrassed when she asked me if i was alright as she had heard me every time i got up & went to the bathroom. The fact that my feet and legs swell to about the size of a baseball & become extremely painful to stand on doesn't help either.         

I have arthritis of the feet knees hips and hands and it really puts me into a depression. I have nothing to relieve the pain (i am allergic to everything except gabapentin and cant afford gabapentin at $100 a month). It is frustrating and embarrassing. I was told that knee replacements wouldn't do any good but hip replacements would (again i cant afford the surgeries or the physical rehab) and it drives me crazy when my hip locks up while i am trying to lift my leg(s) into the car. The pain is terrible, i end up crying and takes sooo long before i can finally get my leg(s) in the car. Even worse we went out to eat with people we had never met before - and my hands kept spasmming as i tried to cut my food and spear it with the fork. I almost kept dropping the utensils, biting my lips in pain as i tried to massage the spasm out of the hands. I would get it to go away but the moment i curled my hand around the knife or fork it would start again. I was the last to finish eating that night. Everyone sat for about 15 min while i "finished" eating. No one said anything and pretended not to notice        

I don't qualify for social security disability (i haven't worked enough quarters). I could try for social security but it really wouldn't be worth it as with social security they also look at spouses income ad take away from what you would get based on what he gets on social security disability, so the amount i would get would be very nominal.  I just want to give up. I don't have much of a support system (unlike everyone els in the whole world.My husband tries to sympathize but he doesn't help much, my daughter gives me lip service and is much to busy with her family and their issues. My son is 1500 miles away & has no compassion when it comes to being sick or in pain. My family is no support at all as my bother hasn't spoken to me in 10 yrs & my sister is too wrapped up in her life to do more than say "oh that's too bad". I have thought about going back to work but i never know from one minute to the next how i am going too feel and when it gets bad there is no way i could make it to work and there have been occasions where it has been bad for a week or more at a time and no employer is going to put up with that.

whhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeee

ok ok ok  i'm excited (and maybe a bit hyper. It turns out we are starting our vacation TOMMORROw. I cant wait i have everything pack the car just needs 4 more itesms added then off we go. i am looking forward to seeing how things have changed since the last time i was out west some 40 yrs ago

Labels are getting a bad rap

That's it , I have had it. Labels are definitely getting a bad rap. Being labeled can be a good thing, really it can  please hear me out. Being labeled give a starting point for  the individual to start blooming. The media would like us to beleive that by labeling a person you are limiting them. Not necessarily true, it is more what you do with the label/information than the label,
If the label is used just as a way to warehouse an individual it is indeed a sad plight. but even if that happens the person ma be warehoused with someone bright enough to understand that this is a starting point. There are many strategies and methods that can be called upon to help an individual do his or her best depending on the label (and if it is the correct label)
Years ago when a child was diagnosed with Down's syndrome it was used as a warehouse tool. Today, if a child is diagnosed with Downs there is a whole world that opens up to them and their parents for we have learned that they have more potential than we were aware of. How did we learn this by seeing individuals that had Downs that were increadilbly gifted in other areas and  shared their challenges and triumphs with us.
All a label say is this person has these challenges to live with/overcome. If we are proud of our lables an educate others to see that they are just the starting place instead of the end  all be all of exsistance then the world will be a better place. 

i want....

I am suppose to go on vacation I want to go on vacation I havent had one in years (other than occasional day trips) now i am told it maybe may before i can go. noooooooooooooooo! the route we would take would all be tornado alley & that is a bad time to be in tornado alley. also may is when they start raising rates for vacationers are starting to swarm.  I want to go noooooooooooooow.

ok hereeeeeeeeeee we go

ok here we go. i am new at this so we will all see what develops. I hate being dairy protean intolerant. my system isnt happy but i knew it wouldnt be when i ate the cheesecake.  It hs been an ok day & my body isnt acting up too much today (hooray)